A little story about my journey and personality

So i'm a kind of person that loved to recording and tracking all the journey of my life, its like back to the past remembering all good old days and back to the present with the awareness of how much life can change us.

I don't really had a lot of friends, my bestfriend Luke told me that i had a bad aura(atmosphere/feeling/mood/situation) when you get close to me, so maybe that's why, but i had a the most shining star , and it is called "bestfriend"

Okay back to the junior high school moment .......

Yeah, when in JHS i'm so bad and really nerd person , i don't have a lot of friends , and nobody cares about me because i'm a weird person , so the situation in my home is really broke at that time, i don't need to tell what the problem is, but i realized when i'm in the college, i just feel like "oh yeah ,i knew now why i'm so weird at that time, maybe it is the impact that my family given to me" , but i don't get mad to them because i knew they're loving me so much.

Now lets back to the nerd moment , in junior high school i only hang out with 3 friends , the initial of their name is L J M , L is for my bestfriend Luke, in 3 years i've only had 3 friends ,dammit ! , and nobody(my friends) cares about what i'm doing or so.

I really loves drawing when i'm in elementary high school, but since junior high school, things changes because i got a bad grade and almost failing to up to next grade and suddenly i must stop and focus on my education system, i'm a typical person that cannot stay in dirt environment , i'm really lethal with that thing, not like my bestfriend Luke, he is strong enough to handle so much stupid people in his life, so that the reason why i'm so stupid when in the junior hs,it because my friends is full or retarded people, and so the teachers, many of them is so weird (sleep on the class) , kerokan(rub his back with coin) , rip the plastic ball when my stupid friends play the ball and many more funny but also stupid thing happen in Junior High School. After being promoted to the next grade with conditional reason , i'm starting to focused to study and i got a average-good grade, i always in B class, and my friends Luke always in A class, each of us ever in our each class, so i ever put in the A class, and Luke ever put in the B class, the class is A-E, and believe me, the E class is full of primates.

3 years later, i promoted to the Senior high school , and yes ,this is the biggest change in my life, i went to Malang and my lovely Highschool name is SMAK COR JESU MALANG, not many of my friends in the Junior High School came to my SHS but there is at least 1-2 primates go in the same school and the ever in the same class!!, but whatever, people makes mistake and they are always change. So yeah in SHS i learn so much thing, i still a quite quiet kid , but everything really different now, the people respect me so much and my SHS is really strict in manner and attitude rules , there is a point if you do some stupid crazy sh*t thing , you will got a minus , and there is no such a thing to do to add your score, your score only be given up to 100, and when you makes a mistake for example coming late to school, wearing a clothes that isn't suitable with the rules , smoke in school, you will got a minus! per infringement will up to minus 5-10. And i got one friend that really crazy ,his name is Lexy , i don't know where he come from, most of student in my school is came from outside java, and he always got minus but keep smiling and laughing all the days, and .... yeah... he didn't make it and go out from shs.

Times running and i'm starting to healing , it because i got a lot of good friends on there, they respect me a lot and always support me and also the teacher so professional , and i'm starting to change slowly , until yeah... i feel really normal at that time and starting to understand that i didn't wrong for the thing i did, and at that time i'm starting to tell my self that i deserve better and i must surround myself with positive people.

I'm starting to excited with this SHS and following ekstra Breakdance , i met the great trainer from Nightown Crew and they are Ferdian, Grady, Edo, and Stevy. I also got a loyal friend name is Sigit, he always accompany me while training while the other is fading out. And i'm starting to be a normally kid who did my own stuff and i don't get the problem with grades.

I got my first love in SHS , and she is really an annoying person but 2 years older than me, she love basketball so much and i called her Demon(setan) , but unfortunately i can't go further more because there is a lot of discrepancy in her family and we didn't even to get in relationship haha

Times goes on and now i'm in the second grade of highschool student , i choose the IPA (science sector) because my parent told me that IPA more flexible when choosing faculty in later , so i got into IPA , and we got a very very unique teachers, 3 of them is Mrs Yuli(physics) , Mrs Ratih(Chemistry) and Ms Tias(Matematic) , 3 of them had a unique personality , but the most eccentric is Mrs Yuli, she always wear really hot clothes and using high heels and yeah when met her on the mall she will wearing some erotic clothes or dress ,her ages is maybe now 50.

Me and my friends Steven, Kevin, Ardhi and Sigit always make a joke of her ,like some porn thing to imagine, and we almost makes a new brand new story each week.Yeah ,but we always take remedial XD.

And the second is Mrs Ratih, she is really a scaring person that i feel she could read people's mind, Not suprisingly she is old enough ,maybe 48 at that time, and she always makes us (me and my friends) laugh a lot when studying chemistry , but she give us a lot of a lesson in life, she like the other parent to me when giving an advice,

And when i'm in the second year i meet a girl that pretty strange at the first of my impression, she move from her SHS at second years and move to my SHS and finally after long time get so close to her to accompany her , i'm starting get to used to be near around her and i ask her to choose , whether being my sister or my lover and then she choose to be a lover, then times goes on, i must leaving SHS and go to college , at the first time i choose some university in Jakarta which good at the IT , i want to took a design , but my father reject me without any reason when i ask him to go in design , because he think design is bad for the prospect in future, and i really want to go Jakarta so much because i want to study a lot of thing in that city , my quote is "Jakarta is cruel but it also the best place to change your career life" ,so i got debated with my family and they keep disallowed me to go design , until my sister talk to them and tell them that so many of her friend is stopped from the college because it didn't fit with them and my parent just like let me choose but still in the expression do not let me go to design , they told me to go something like Pharmacy , Engineering, or some kind of it.

Im really confused and i ask for my girlfriends advice, she's good at biology and probably the smarter in biology at our generation, and after talk with her a lot and i choose something called Biotechnology , i don't know sure about it, but when i'm searching it on internet its a good one, and i also love biology, and finally i tell my parent that i want to go to biotechnology faculty and they let me, so the first time i applied in UPH (Pelita Harapan University) , because my sister in there and my parent told me better i get close to my sister so we could help each other in Jakarta.

Me and my girlfriend plan to get college in Jakarta , she planning to go in some university in Jakarta too, but the thing go as not as it should be , and at one day she calling me on the phone , and she cried a lot until i'm concern and worried about her, she told me that her parent didn't allow her to go in Jakarta and she should move on Surabaya, and she crying so much that she cannot stick with me.

And several days later my parent got a little problem with the financial and told me that my sister need more fee for her college, but he did not tell me to change my choice, not a even a bit, and he said that better i'm in Malang or the farthest in Surabaya beucase maybe he need me sometimes , He said "maybe i need you sometimes, you have 2 sister to take care about, and if you not far away you can go back and help me with some stuff in this home" ,my father is old enough compared to the his son, he got married at the age of 45, so that word change the whole of mind and my hope for my study and in a blink, and i just decided to moved in Surabaya , I prefer Malang at that time, but i also think about my GF and finally i decided to move in Surabaya take the Biotechnology , and my GF so happy with that , she glad that we met.

Later......

In the last day on the SHS, when in the promnight , we are shaking hand with teacher and the teacher giving some appreciation for passing UN and go to the next step in college, and when i met Mrs Ratih , She said : You are still with that girl? , and i said "of course mam!" , and she make a joke but also it could be a message to me, she said "usually a couple get broke up when it comes to college, i had seen many of them got the same ending" , and in my heart i just said like "let prove it you wrong" .

And finally.....

College life part 1

So yeah i got into the university now , yeyy , i hope so much on this faculty and the university, and i'm preparing a lot of thing for college

But thing didn't work as i hoped, in the orientation's time i met full of people that really didn't fit with me and i just feeling a little bit different, but i kept being positive and just go with it, yaapp, and here is it , the most stupid thing i hated is when people or senior get angry to us without any reason, that's the rule that always relegated every year to the freshman college, and if i ask them is for the unity of your generation? whoa ,what? many thing is doesn't go at it should be , Indonesia had a really bad culture when it comes to something like this .

And yeah i'm starting to feeling more weird , because what the upperclassman do to us is excessive, there is my friend which had the asthma attack and blood vessels rupture and many more almost fainted. And i think this is enough. But i don't take it seriously

College life part 2

After that , we start to go normally college's life and i loved it so much, i got a friends, and i'm in the new city to starting a new habit ... yeah..... thing go so good and then something happen ......in the first semester , a lot of my friends go out and decided to stop , i don't know why, and there is also one of my friends that is senior of me ask me "hey, what are you feeling about this faculty? , did you ever feel disappointed with this ?, or maybe this is not the same with what are you imagine of?" and i said "no,this is great".

And as time goes by in the second semester, many of them stopped and change their faculty and university , and i just like... what? why you change your decision so easily , and i think the reason why they go out is first : they don't smart enough, because of course , i met some smart people in this faculty (extremely smart and trained also diligent) , i said "smart" ,there is no correlation with their IQ(intelligence potential) , they just an trained person which study a lot and become smarter, second reason is "they feel do not comfortable with the task" , yeah becoming the biotechnology student mean that you must had extra time to do your college stuff especially the person who do not have so much good basic at that faculty(ex : me) , you must willing to stay up in the middle of night studying all of that stuff.The third reason is : they feeling unwanted or realized that the biotechnology is not their talent to study about , and yeah of course, the thing i didn't forgot is because in here the lecturers reminding /pushing them to think again whether this is your place or not (several lecturers did this) and i think that is bad , because we are here to study , whether our grades is bad or not , we are on here for studying , not for get the straight A, we are came here to study a new thing that we don't know , but the thing is go reverse , and yeah i realized , this place is only elevated you who already have a good basic.

And our generation(2014) is really split up into two Block , A and B , i don't know why, but the smart student is on the right block or A block , and the ordinary one is in the B block (left block) , and someday some lecture said "please if you guys(block B) cannot takes the study well , you need to learn to A group,don't just be a passive" and suddenly all the B block is speechless and that is what i called discrimination , i know she is telling the truth , but it not what the way it should be (especially in east) you got the ethics when you want to said something (it maybe hurt to them). And yeah , a lot of them go out , i forgot it ,its around 55 when in the first year , and now maybe only 32 student, and most of them stopped in the first-second semester, and yeah ,the lecture had a favorite student that they treat them unfairly..And also the seniority in this college is so heavy and the new years student must suck up to the senior in order to get a information/leak about the academic.

College life part 3

Now for the friends , i do not get a lot of friends(maybe not even 1) , because i don't think the friends is like that, i just don't wanna to claim that they are my friend because maybe they don't think the same way like i did, so i choose to got an UKM (UNIT KEGIATAN MAHASISWA), I choose Breakdance and , it the same at the Orientation time, i got a bad impression again to them , when i comes up to the stand, they don't welcoming me well, and they just like "we don't need you whether you join or not" , and they just smiling and laughing like autism without take their responsibility to serve the new years student well.

And i'm starting to get more frustated about the people, basically people in here (almost all of them) is like : i do my own stuff, and you do your own stuff, if you got something that i need, then we can talk , if there is nothing i can take from you , then just go away, yeah, i know it, this is how western people think, and i don't get used to it , maybe because i from the different town, yeah i'm just telling myself to keep calm and correcting myself, and my Biotech friends is also the same, they are focused student which dedicated theirself to study. They didn't talk a lot, they just keep studying ad focusing on their ambition, and all of my friends who i can talk with is already out from the college , that's why i feel i didn't have a friends and anything i tried , i join UKM hoping for a friend which i can talk with , but yeaahh, thing just go the same, and eventually i just like a stupid person, i think again , what for i go in this college, of course i need the knowledge, but no , my heart said it not the way it should be , my heart said i didn't fit on this faculty, my grade wasn't too good , and that's not the matter, the matter is what you become after you finish the college, and i don't fucking know except "oo maybe i will work in food factory or some kind of it" and what the point of getting a job if you don't socialize with people?

I don't got a friend to study with ,i don't socialize so much , thing changes a lot compared when im still in SHS.

I cannot stand alone because i didn't know a lot of thing in this field, i need a help to support me and there's no one can do it except myself,and the only thing i hope so much is my GF, she always accompany me when i'm sad, but suddenly we got to broke up and she slandered me cheating with other girl(hahaha), and it the most disgusting thing ever happened in my life, so i get depressed at one time and nobody there for real accompany me, and i tell all of my feeling and condition on my sister , my sister told me , what the purpose of you get into college? i said "of course to get knowledge". She replied "the people is doesn't matter while you are still got a new useful knowledge each day on that univ" ,and when i want to go out and change my faculty , my sister told me that this is only a lesson and you must can handle it and deal with it ,you cannot hoped the same with when you are in the SHS , because yeah, its the college!, and i imprison my will to stopped my study in second semester and just go with it, and i changes a lot, but Luke , he is the only hope that i had, he understand me so well and i always talk to him, not only him, there is also my junior named is Sherly, and she always listening to me and i can share everything with her. There is also so much friends which support me like Kevin,Ardhi,Sigit,and Satria from my SHS , they are good!

College life part 4

So i decided to keep going with my study in this college, and push my self to keep changing and adapt with it, and yes , i got a friends in the 3rd semester , their name is Tiffany,Billy,Vincent, and Juan , this 4 guys is better than the others but i didn't said they are good , but at least they are better than the others ,especially for Tiffany, she teach me when i ask her, and she is a smart girl who is neutral with any block (A&B), i always study with her, and yeaah, i hit GPS 3.05 at 3rd semester, it really sucks because i could make it to 3,2 it because there is a course named "biochemistry" that i must memorize so many slide! and the lecture just read the slide and ask you to remember all of it, if i don't mistake there is about 300 slide full of chemistry stuff and symbol that hard to understand , so many of my classmate cheating at that time in order to survive with the score, yes, cheating is legal if you don't get caught , the lecture said itself, but me? no! i won't do that, so i just shitting around those slide and yeah, i got a bad score , but thats okay, because i'm trying my best, what the point to studying when finally you just cheat and didn't got anything ? so i got only 69 at the final score, if i could make it into 70 , i will got 3,2 GPS.

College life part 5

Because of my sad life in college i'm starting to get close to the God, and actually of course because He free me from the wrong people including free me from my GF, and my AOG (Army of God) friends is Billy,Vincent and Juan , they are quite ignorance people and don't care about many thing, but they are still a good person to me later, because we often sharing together and we always go into GMS(gereja mawar sharon) together, in GMS i got a lot of thing, enlightenment, healing , and new outlook for this world, and i remember when they ask me to join them at the first time to CG(connect group) its like association in God's name , i feel a little better , i know they're not a really good people, but they are at least still believing in God and obedient in religion.

And when i'm hit 3rd semester, my sister came to visit me in Surabaya, she had a business , and she ask me to stay in my rent house(kost), and she look at the situation on there, she stay on my kost for about 3 days, and finally when my parent want to pick her back to Malang , my parent at the same time want to pay for my fourth semester, and my parent went to administration, and unfortunately they got served by stupid staff that watching at the monitor , laughing with his stupid friend and when my mother ask him in order to got payment service , he just like using his gesture and appoint with his finger at the side which that's mean "just wait over there" without any single word or a glimpse on us.

WTF this fucking univ is not free, and i paid a lot to it , but we got a stupid staff like this, and my mother and father get angry to it, and ask me , is this univ is that poor to pay some better staff to handle that? , we are want to pay and its about the money , why he doing such thing? we wait so long until payment method complete.and in the road going to home , my sister said, in my university , it will not happened and of course they would be scare of doing that stupid thing to student's parent, their service is pretty well and give some respect.

College life part 6 (the final)

So now i in the fourth semester, not many that i can tell, but one day i got some problem because i had a problem with my lecture's assistant. We got a problem in the organisation before (in the first-second semester that i do not tell what it is), and i think he is not professional as a leader of the organisation , and i regret it that i ever join with that some stupid lowly stuff , so when i'm in the lab, he told me to do the same method that he teach me , the first method and the second and the third is the same , but someday in the third method thing go wrong and he like blame me for the thing he teaches me, but yeah , i cannot do anything , because he is a favorite student and the lecture in that lab just laughing at me and make a joke of my "artificial" mistake, of course, this is usually happen in life, you got beaten up and cannot do anything when you don't have the power, it the same with law of the universe , small people cannot do anything to fight and they are always get used with the oppression , in this case , the power i mean is "reputation,two faces skills,relation to lecture, and friends" , yeah i don't have all of this. It easy to finish it with man stuff , like fighting or punching to finish the problem between them , but no , once again i cannot do such thing to a pussy which take a cover behind the "reputation" , if i fight it with man thing i will get discriminated by all the people on the faculty , yeah because i don't have any reputation. So the power in here did not mean literally the true power is. It just the power of being majority and dominating your own cage.

And yeah , i got so disappointed with what the lecture have done to me , and again i decided to stopped that day and my sister support me, she know the condition ,and she understand me so well because maybe she ever go to visited me at that time, and she just said "you need to stopped and go find other college in here, Jakarta" and i complete my will to stop and at that day i immediately browsing for several university in Jakarta.